


Never Thought.

by xiyous (youxiaotu)



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: M/M, filling the zhangjun tag, im so sorry, is this angst!, yanjun smokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 14:14:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16894161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youxiaotu/pseuds/xiyous
Summary: "Long time no see." Yanjun greets, puffing out a cloud of smoke as he spoke. "Thought you never went here anymore."





	Never Thought.

Yanjun shouldn't be blaming himself for this because it's all his fault, not Yanjun's. It's him who distanced himself, him who pushed him away countless times when he could have hugged him back. He was the one who wanted the break and Yanjun shouldn't be acting like he did all of that.

He just didn't want everything to go bigger than it already is and he didn't want it to be harder for the both of them because he knows that with the current restrictions around each other, it wouldn't last long. Eventually, they'll be busier and wouldn't have the time to leave the other even just a good morning message. This is better because at least, everyone would be at peace even if it hurts.

The answer to this problem is that... right? It was what the company said, so it should be. It was what his manager said, so that must be true.

That was why he asked him for a break. For a long time, for forever. Refusing to listen to Yanjun's pleas, to Yanjun's side. Ignoring his text and calls and even his presence because he's afraid that he might sway and make everyone else unhappy.

There's always something that you should sacrifice in order to be successful.

And to him that was Yanjun.

Zhangjing did that thinking that it would be the same for Yanjun too.

He pretends not to hear when Chaoze mentions that Yanjun's been looking miserable lately and he doesn't answer when Dinghao asks him what happened between them because was scared that the two of them wouldn't understand. He knew it was selfish, that he dropped him because of a few people who are saying bad things about the both of them. Or that it was cowardly because he didn't fight for him and chose to just suffer.

But Dinghao wasn't dumb. Easily understanding the whole situation after just hearing a few words. "Have you ever considered his feelings, Zhangjing?" It was straightforward, a little bit harsh but that's how Dinghao is. Those words earned him a hard nudge from Chaoze who murmurs something that Zhangjing didn't quite hear.

That question never crossed his mind before. He never really thought of anything else other than pleasing everybody that he ignored everything the other wanted to tell him.

Yanjun indeed was a mess when he sees him again, the other giving him a tired smile when their eyes meet. Zhangjing wanted to hold him once again, but the smile only lasted for barely a second, Yanjun was already gone before he could even turn around.

It was true that they wouldn't have time for each other in the future, but it didn't mean that they wouldn't meet again because he finds him on the company rooftop after a long time. Yanjun hasn't changed a bit except for his hair dyed red and that he smokes.

"Long time no see." Yanjun greets, puffing out a cloud of smoke as he spoke. "Thought you never went here anymore."

This rooftop held a lot of memories between them. Zhangjing hated going up there because it reminded him of Yanjun. Going to the rooftop also means that he'd remember the things he greatly misses and regrets as well.

"Was bored." He replies.

It used to feel comfortable sitting beside him but now it was nothing but awkward. Now it's filled with hesitation, regrets and unspoken words.

"Your new album was great."

"And so was your drama."

It wasn't like this before. If he didn't do all that, would it still be the same? Would they still have so many things to talk about?

He finally says it. "I miss you so much."

Yanjun doesn't respond.

Zhangjing knows what Yanjun meant.

He smiles anyway before he turns around and leaves.

A part of him still hopes that Yanjun will run after him like he always used to.

_**He doesn't.** _

__Would they still be holding hands?

**Author's Note:**

> . i said i will never hurt zhangjing in any of my fics but sURPRISE!  
> i just made myself sad kdsjhfkjs
> 
> ((do i have regrets writing this? no  
> was i hurt after writing this? yes))


End file.
